Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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