We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
