I heard we made out
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
