did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
