I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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