Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
