i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
