I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
