I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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