I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
