You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
