fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
