How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
