Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
