he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
