It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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