Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
