im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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