Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
