hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize