its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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