I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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