How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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