Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
