I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
