well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
