i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
