Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
