the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
