cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
