My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize