She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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