i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
