i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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