I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
