i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
