I just cut my nipple shaving
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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