I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
