its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
