i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
