worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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