Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
