that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
