Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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