Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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