they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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