It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
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