party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
