If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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