I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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