Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize