apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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