I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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