if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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