Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
