I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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