her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
