I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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