I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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