we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
