are you so shy because you have an std?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
