we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
