I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
