Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
