i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
