I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
