the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it glows. i had to have it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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