That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
